smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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