JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
