he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
