Hey man sorry I got all grabby
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
