is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
