He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
