Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
