I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
