I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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