what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
COCAINE IS GR8
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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