you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are we still banned from the library?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
