you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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