I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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