The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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