I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
