i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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