After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I did not marry a roomba.
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