The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
