they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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