Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
