pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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