You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
