I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
