I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You pole danced in your parka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
