The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
