so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
