Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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