so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
