i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
