Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
