Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
