Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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