RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
