Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
