oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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