Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
