How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
