I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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