I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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