Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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