it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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