Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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