2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
