I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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