he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
