dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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