I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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