New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
