Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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