He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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