Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
