home. puking in laundry basket.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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