that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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